Collecting
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: Tifa starts hoarding plushies much to her husbands horror. ReTi oneshot for fire mystic.


Collecting

AN: I own nothing in this story. This is for fire mystic so enjoy! I also included a reference to the story Getting to Know You by the aforementioned author. Please R&R.

It had started when Tifa had passed by a storefront window at the mall. Her gaze was instantly attracted to a plushie shaped like a star. It had beady dark eyes and was smiling like a kid on a sugar high. She was smitten.

The next few weeks found the Turk coming home to find his wife in front of piles of the little things, which were called Starry Folk. She was arranging each one she currently had, humming their theme song to herself.

"Um, babe..." Tifa looked up at him. "Don't you think you have enough of those already?"

"Nonsense Reno, I'm just getting started. They're up to one hundred already and I only have thirty."

"Whatever makes you happy," Reno replied, heading to the bedroom to take a nap.

But it got worse.

A week later Reno came home to find Tifa sitting in the living room, watching a Starry Folk direct to DVD movie. She was singing along with the creatures on the screen and smiling.

"I'm a Starry Folk Girl, la la la la...."

Yet Reno didn't freak out just yet. That happened later that evening when he found Tifa's shrine to the Starry Folk. All hundred were there from Commander Snuffles to Mr. Big to Tifa's first Starry Folk friend Lumi. Tifa's arms wrapped around his waist then and she giggled into his neck.

"Isn't it wonderful? I have all these cute little guys here."

"Tifa...you have a problem." She just giggled again.

"No I don't Reno. Now let's get to bed." Reno sighed but nodded and changed into his boxers, expecting Tifa to wear one of his shirts like she usually did. Instead the barmaid put on a pair of pajamas that looked more suited for a six year old. Multicolored Starry Folk covered the Pj's from top to bottom. In fact it covered every part of her except her head. Snuggling up to Reno, she hummed the Starry Folk theme song before wishing him good night.

Something had to be done.

"Reno where are we going?" Tifa asked as he continued to drive. He had come home and found her laying on the floor with all of her Starry Folk, the Avalanche member looking extremely proud of her collection. And she was wearing Starry Folk clothes, their little faces beaming from her shirt, pants, and socks. So he had led her to the car and started driving.

"You'll see Tifa. You've gotten way too addicted to those Starry Folk and I'm getting you back to normal."

Ten minutes later they had arrived at their destination. Tifa's breath stopped in her throat and she smiled. It was the little knoll Reno had taken her to on their first date. She remembered laying on his stomach and watching the stars, tickling him, and just wishing she could spend more and more time with the Turk. Reno lay down on the knoll then and gestured for her to join him.

"I don't have a pillow," she said softly, smiling at the memory those words brought up. Reno smirked and shrugged his shoulders.

"I was thinking you could use me." She nodded and lay beside her husband, resting her head on his chest as she had done over a year ago.

"I think you're right. I do have a problem. Those plushies have overridden my life, made me forget what was important," Tifa said after several minutes of content silence with Reno.

"And what's most important to you?" Reno asked, the telling smirk on his face showing that he knew the answer.

"A cocky guy who thinks he's God's gift to women," she responded. His arms found her sides then and he started tickling, loving the sound of her laughter.

"Not all women, just one," Reno whispered.

It could have been a moment, it could have been an hour but eventually they stood up and walked back to the car.

"First thing tomorrow I'm getting rid of all those plushies," Tifa said firmly.

"Sounds like a plan," Reno said.

His wife was back to normal.

Reno was sleeping beside Tifa in their bed when he was shaken awake by something. Opening his eyes, he saw a Starry Folk plushie holding a fork to his jugular.

"Filthy human! You turned her away from us and for that you deserve to die!" But before it could drive the fork into his throat, Reno had grabbed the plushie and chucked it off the bed. He noticed Tifa was gone as well.

"Tifa!" he cried out.

"Reno, help!" he heard a high pitched voice yell. A mass of the plushies were carrying another plushie with them. This particular plushie had Tifa's hair and wide brown eyes. She struggled against her captors but it was no use. Reno bolted out of bed and started to give chase when he tripped over a pile of shoes that had been set by the bed.

"You won't stop us human! She'll be our Queen and there's nothing you can do about it!" several Starry Folk yelled. They then dog piled Reno and soon enough he was covered by at least thirty of them.

"Get off me you disgusting freaks!" Reno growled, standing up. A number of them fell and the ones that didn't were quickly tossed off. Tifa and her kidnappers were out of sight and he raced out of the room. Making it to the living room, he saw the front door being shut. But as he was giving chase, his foot met a nail several plushies were holding up.

"OW! Oh you little bastards!" The red head stomped towards the group, a wicked smile on his face. "London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling dow- but he was interrupted by stepping on yet another nail. He fell once again to the floor and he heard the plushies giggling madly.

"My fair lady!" They drew closer, certain they had sealed his fate.

* * *

Tifa was in the front yard, the lawn now massive to her tiny form. She felt so odd, the stuffing that had replaced her organs and blood making for a weird experience. Not to mention the fact that she had no hands or feet, just blobs. They released her and she started to fight back but her pudgy little frame made martial arts impossible.

"Now, now, no need to struggle my bride," a deep but still high pitched voice said. A few plushies surrounding her parted for their leader as he walked towards her.

"Commander Snuffles..." Tifa said, embarrassed at how high her own voice was. She sounded like Minnie Mouse after inhaling helium for Gaia's sake. "Why do all of this? And how are you alive?" Commander Snuffles giggled at her questions.

"Why? What a strange little question that is. There is no why, just a need to take over this world infested with you avarice driven fleshies. We were given life thanks to you. We were created to be that way. And once you're my bride we'll conquer the rest of this planet and then the age of the plushie can truly begin!"

The other Starry Folk clapped at this, cheering loudly. He held out his arm to silence them and straightened out his tiny beanie hat, his green felt skin blending in perfectly with the grass all around.

"Enough chatter, let's begin the ceremony."

But before Commander Snuffles could take another step, the front door burst open and Reno appeared, a manic gleam in his eye. He ran towards the remainder of the Starry Folk, kicking all around. Approaching Tifa, he snatched her up and placed her on his shoulder.

"You okay babe?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now Reno, just get rid of them please," Tifa replied.

"As you wish," he responded. "Oi, come and get me you dumb little bastards!" They gave chase and after half an hour of running around the house and taunting, Reno accounted for all hundred of the Starry Folk.

"You can't win fleshie!" Lumi shouted. Reno just chuckled at that and revealed a glowing red orb. Ice particles started to form on the ground, coalescing into a beautiful blue skinned female with shining blond hair and blue eyes.

"Shiva, deep freeze these pests," Reno said. Shiva nodded and closed her eyes. The plushies started to run but they were frozen solid in a moment. Once all hundred were nothing but ice, Reno dismissed Shiva.

Setting Tifa on the ground, he watched as a glow emanated from her body. A flash of light temporarily blinded the Turk and when he could see again he saw Tifa standing before him, her form human once again. Leaping into his arms, she hugged him tightly.

"You saved me!" she said softly, kissing him deep on the lips. Once they broke apart, her stomach rumbled.

"What's wrong?" Reno asked.

BURP! The belch was the loudest Reno had ever heard come from Tifa's mouth. The barmaid blushed fiercely and felt something in her mouth. Spitting whatever it was out, she saw a ball of stuffing escape her lips. Reno chuckled and Tifa placed her hands on her hips.

"It's not- but her stomach rumbled again and another titanic belch escaped her lips, releasing the last of her stuffing from her innards. She hung her head and Reno stopped laughing. Hugging her around the waist, he led her back inside and to their bed.

"Can we forget any of that ever happened?" Tifa asked. Reno nodded and ran a hand under her chin.

"Did you learn anything from this?"

"Yeah, don't get hooked on collecting things," Tifa answered. "Besides, there's only one thing I want to hoard all for myself."

"And what would that be?" Reno asked.

"You of course," Tifa whispered, snuggling up to him.

* * *

A week later, Reno was lounging on the couch with Tifa when his cell phone rang. Answering it, he heard Tseng's voice on the other end.

"Reno, I need your help."

"What happened?"

Tseng stared at Elena singing along with the Starry Folk theme song on TV, the blond dressed in a pair of Starry Folk pajamas and cuddling several of the plushies at once.

"You'll find out when you get over here though I doubt you'll believe me."


End file.
